Grand URBANA Adventure Day Four

We were allowed to sleep in half an hour later than normal this morning as morning Bible studies didn't start until 9 AM. I again skipped out on the morning Bible study and grabbed some breakfast (I mean real breakfast, not donuts). Had an excellent conversation with a young man named Josh from Virginia Tech. We talked a lot about relativism and post modern ideas. Very interesting.
There was not large session Bible study with Ajith this morning as it was a day set aside for fasting and prayer. Stuart and I stayed behind and had one of the best conversations I think I've ever had with him. From there we went and found some lunch as we both decided that since he is sick, and I'm hypglycemic fasting would not be a good idea for either of us.
Finding a place in downtown St. Louis open on Saturday proved to be more difficult than it sounded. We finally landed on what appeared to be the only restaurant open on Saturday and had a big lunch. From there we separated and went to our various different community meetings.
I went to a community meeting entitled Presbyterian Global Fellowship. It seemed like it was (no offense to my older readers) no more than just a lot of old guys talking with not much of a plan. The topic of discussion was how to keep the Presbyterian demonination alive. I'll have more on this topic now but it is interesting to note that there were approximately 25 people at this particular meeting. Of those 25 there were only about five under the age of thirty. Only two people in the 40-50 range. Every one else was sixty or older. Not that I'm saying that's a bad thing. I will blog more on this subject later.
After the community meeting I went to a prayer ministry seminar on Sexual healing. As the prayer ministry went over two hours I missed dinner but that was ok as I'd had a large lunch. I am pleased to announce that I did NOT fall asleep through the evening session on this occasion! Yay go me! The first speaker for the evening session was Rick Warren author of the Purpose Driven Life. He gave a talk on defining God's will and purpose for your life and finding your SHAPE. This was interesting as a girlfriend of mine had led me through this program in my support group at school. I've learned that anytime you have any kind of reptivity there's a good chance God is trying to tell you something.
The second speaker was the InterVarsity director for the Philippines. Lisa Espinelli Chinn. She was an amazing speaker who spoke on the need to break cross cultural lines.
Finally another day at URBANA ended. We went back to our hotel rooms where Liz Lowe and I stayed awake until 1 AM making a concerted effort to solve all the worlds problems, or at any rate a few of our own. This has been an amazing adventure and God has completely changed my attitude. I have realzied that I am a NEW CREATION. Hallelujah, praise God.

Grand URBANA Adventure Day Three

Woke up to the realization that all five of us had slept through the alarm. So at 6:45 we were all ruely awakend with Jessica "Laies it's 6:45, well past time to be getting ready to go." I went into panic mode. I was supposed to meet Stuart for breakfast at 6:30. Everyone marvele at how quickly I was able to get ready to go. I was dressed and ready to go just as Stuart knocked knocked on my door to make sure I was still coming. I took a couple minutes to check on some things an grab stuff and joined him for breakfast.
Breakfast again consisted of coffee, donuts and muffins. I partook of the coffee, but skipped the donuts and muffins. I skipped out the inductive Bible study and found something with a bit more substance to it for breakfast. I joined up with the rest of the gang for another phenomenal message from Ajith Fernando. He spok again on Ephesians and dealt with the need for humility and commitment. "We are living in a throw-away culture. Anything that's a nuisance is disposed of. That is the culture, but that is not Christianity. We are patient people because as Christians we are committed to them. A Christian says Lord I can't be angry with this person, help me to make up with them. When you are committed to a person it gives great freedom . . . Humility is a logical response to grace in our lives because you realize that you don't deserve anything."
I caught the metroplex to the first afternoon seminar on engaging the postmodern campus. I met up with two graduates of Biola university. One of them was Taiwanese. He grew up in Taiwan but wasn't a Christian until he came to the United States. Now he would like to go back to Taiwan as a missionary. After eating lunch with them I went to my seminar and foun it very informative.
I caught the metroplex back to the convention center for the second seminar entitled "What does it mean to be a Christian Writer?" This was a panel of speakers consisting of people who worked with InterVarsity Press. It was mostly a Q & A time though it was interesting to get several different perspectives on the subject matter.
From that session I looked through the bookstore an bought an URBANA '06 sweatshirt and a book by Colin Brown called the History of Western Thought. Very excited to start reading.
I met up with Stuart for dinner where URBANA staff serve us an AIDS awareness meal, porridge. I tried to think of it as lumpy, watered down cream of wheat. That didn't work very well. All I could think about was the middle ages and then my thoughts turne to Oliver Twiset "please sir, I want some more." I realized that some people would have killed to eat this. I prayed that my life would never get so bad. I realized how truly bad Oliver's need and hunger must have been for him to want more of something I found so revolting. I started gagging after the third bite. More on this URBANA meal later. It was however, interesting to watch people eat the stuff. Some people to big bites, others small ones. Some people scraped their bowls others left significant portions. However, it ought to be noted that all ate.
After the meal Stuart and I met up with the others for the main evening session. The first speaker was a woman lawyer who was a Jewish Christian. She worked for the International Justice Mission and had a good hand in rescuing people who were put into brothels and other such attrocities. I can't tell you anything about the second speaker as I nearly passed out again from lack of protein and did end up falling asleep.
Rather than evening prayer time we had an extended AIDS awareness session in which I realized that the problem is not as simple as I think it is, I will have more on this subject later. After being dismissed we went back to our hotels for a good night's rest.

Grand URbANA Adventure Day Two

I rose at the wonderful hour of six AM after having only five hours of sleep and went down to join Stuart for the continental breakfast provided by the hotel which consisted of donuts, muffins and coffee. Drank two cups of coffee with cream and sugar and joined the rest of our crew as we got on the bus to head over to the Amercas Center in St. Louis where the conference is being held. Nearly passed out in small group bible study (Small group here apparently means several hundred people) and decided that two cups of coffee on an empty stomach is not a good plan and getting breakfast elsewhere that had some protein to it might be a better idea than the sorry excuse for breakfast the hotel offered.
Main session Bible study, led by Ajith Fernando, was very well done. We'll be looking at Ephesians all this week. Yesterday we looked at Eph. 1:15-2:10. Mr. Fernando discussed the necessity for remembering what we were before our salvation. "Without understanding what we were before salvation, we cannot understand salvation." More on this discussion later.
After main session Stuart and I met up for lunch and promptly discovered that the long were horrendously long and it would be better if we wished to make it to our seminars on time to wait until after to get lunch. So we parted ways and went to our different seminars.
I went to a seminar entitled Creating Culture. It was informative, though a lot of repetitive stuff I've already gotten at school. I hope all the seminars aren't like that. The seminars I've chosen today should be interesting.
URBANA served us dinner so we met up after the seminars and s tood in the again horrendously long lines to get our dinners and then went to the main evening session.
Stuart and I managed to get separated from the rest of the group and sat as far back as we could and still see and the music was barely tollerable. I'm trying to keep an open mind about a lot of this, but a lot of it really bothers me. More on this subject after I return.
Fell asleep through the first main speaker though the little I heard was interesting. First evening speaker was a man from Kenya who spoke on the shifting center of Christianity. His main thesis was that the center of Christianity is no longer America, rather it is very quickly becoming Africa. to a large degree I think he's right.
The second speaker was phenomenal. She spoke on the subject of racial reconciliation and the danger of settling for mediocre. Very inspiring speaker, had a lot of charisma, very easy to listen to. Caused me to rethink some things about where I am going.
Stuart and I returned to the hotel where I met up with the rest of the girls in my room we prayed and went to bed. I had difficulty sleeping so I did some journaling for about half an hour before going to bed.
Please continue to pray for good relations within our group. Strength, and especially health as some of us are starting to get sick. Also pray for open minds, and open hearts. I'll try to have another log posted tomorrow. Thank you so much for your prayers and support.

Grand URBANA Adventure Day One

We've all arrived safe and sound. The other five girls met up with me at the Portland airport. The flight went very smoothly, Stuart was able to meet up with us in Denver. Arrangements for the hotel were changed at the last minute and we were able to stay at a hotel the first night we arrived.
We spent the bulk of today getting one member of our party lodging and figuring out where we were supposed to go. We did go and visit the St. Louis Arch for about an hour before we headed over to the convention center for our first seminar which is where we are now. So here we are. At URBANA, surrounded by thousands of missions minded people. WOW. Right now that's about all I can say. It's a little overwhelming. It brings back memories of Knoxville conferences I went to in high school. Anyway, I'll post more as I get a chance but that's all for now. Stay tuned for more. Please continue to pray for group unity, strength, health, etc. Thank you so much for our prayers.

Reminsing

Not sure if I spelled that word correctly but whatever. I found myself thinking a lot about my childhood today. Friends I made, and in turn friends I lost. Over the years people have moved on and become just a memory. The thing is I still remember those faces, names. I remember vividly toys I played with, and people I hung out with. I even remember something of the politics of the era.
I think found myself thinking about the last few years that I've been in school. Again, I vividly remember people I hung out with, things we did, faces I saw. Granted this is a little more recent than my childhood, but still I vividly remember these things. I remember the good with the bad. As much as I try to shove things down, something happens to bring those painful memories up again and break that wound wide open.
I discovered today that life is made up of hellos and goodbyes. Everyday you meet new people, make new friends. Every day you have an impact on everyone you see. Think about that. Just try to wrap your puny little brain around that conept. How many people a day do you some how come into contact with them? Fifty, a hundred? Every one of those people you've impacted in some way. If for only a brief moment. Somtimes it is those brief moments that can have the biggest impact on a life.
I still remember things that were said to me by people I have long since lost contact. I remember in detail things that were said to me a yea and a half ago when I was trying hard to screw my life up. I remember a lot of things people have said to me, for better or worse. The thing is people, our time on this earth is short, very short. We only have a few moments to impact a life for Jesus Christ. Things we say, do, thinks will have an impact for years to come.
Life isn't just about that, it's also about letting go. We have to learn to let go of those people that we have impacted. Place them in God's hands, they are no longer in our control, nor were they ever. People can be stupid yes, but just because we have a God who is in control of the earth taking care of people doesn't mean we just leave people to their own devices. It is imperative that we get in our Christian family's face when they screw up. No matter how many times they screw up. Do not write off your friends simply because they screwed up. God has them on a program, you can help. You can impact your friends for God by simply getting in their face.
Now I'm not saying it's a good idea to do this to the general public, but sometimes a smile, touch of the hand, a quick prayer, simple things can make all the difference in the world. So as this year comes to a close think about how many people you've come into contact with, and how many negative and postive impacts you've made on the lives of those people.

Desparation

Desparation. I wonder how many times in life have you been truly desparate? Begged and pleaded for something? It is interesting to me that human beings do this. We beg, plead, whine, grovel, everything in our power to achieve our desire. Only to want more. I remember many times as a child campaining to the point of my mother's relention to get something I wanted. It drove her nuts. Even to adult hood I do this. Why do we torture ourselves like this? If one is not careful enough, one could lose one's sanity becuase he or she did not achieve the desired goal, or if they did they betrayed, compromised, stabbed too many people they went crazy in their attempt to achieve their goal. Why does mankind stoop to this level? Why is it so hard to let go of so many things?

On Arranged Marriages

Shakespeare had a phrase for passionate lovers, they were star crossed, doomed. I wonder, if is it better to have passionate love or respect? I can't help but to compare the loves lives of Romeo and Juliet and Golda and Reb Tevya in Fiddler on the Roof. The difference? Romeo and Juliet were passionate lovers, Golda and Reb Tevya were an arranged marriage. There's an even bigger difference here, it's the issue of respect. Golda and Reb Tevya had respect within in their marriage, they also had a lot longer together than Romeo and Juliet.
I think this is partly why services such as eHarmony are as successful as they are. They allow the couple the chance to get to know each other. More importantly, develop respect for each other. I'm beginning to think that respect is an even bigger issue here than love. The old rhyme says "First comes love, than comes marriage" etc. But I wonder if perhaps respect ought to come first? It would seem that with respect love can be learned. Without respect, a relationship is meaningless. A couple can have all the love they want, but if there is no respet there it's pointless. Again the hopeless romantic in me is screaming no how can this be? But the cynic realist is winning out. So then I wonder, is it better to have passionate love or to have respect?

An Epiphany (On watching A Muppet Christmas Carol)

Ok, so I just had an epiphany, I think it's cool. Maybe it's one of those things that everybody else already knows but anyway, I think it's cool so here it is. I just figured out why it is the ghost of Christmas future doesn't have a face. It's becuase it's future, it hasn't happened yet, therefore it doesn't have a face. Didn't have any cool reflections on the other two, but I did about that one. I also figured out the answer to Scrooge's question "Why do you show me these things if I am beyond all hope?" The answer, he was not beyond all hope. Had he not learned from the lessons of Christmas Past, present and future, than yes I suppose he would have been lost. Anyway, I think my ephiphany's are cool, you have the right to disagree with me. The funny thing is, the movie gave me nightmares when it came out. . . .

Church Accountability. Is it really too much to ask?

The beauty of a home church is accountability. At my home church in Corvallis, granted I've been going there for the last six years, if miss a week there will be people who notice and ask where I've been the next time I show up. However, this morning when I went to the same church I've gone to in Salem for the last year, I felt none of that same accountability. Granted churches change, but still there really ought to be some of that accountability in every church. It seems that if you go to a church for more than two weeks there ought to be people who notice. It shows you care. As Christians we are supposed to show concern, and supposed to keep each other accountable. Is it really too much to ask people to show that same kind of accountability? I don't care if you're young or old, all generations should do something to keep the other generation accountable. And whatever happened to making new people feel welcome? For Pete's sake, if there's someone there you don't know, don't let them slip through cracks. Actively look for new people, make them feel welcome. *Getting out soap box and stepping up.* Seriously you guys, how many new people do you see at church, or Bible study and don't make any effort to make them feel welcome. Is it really too much too ask? I'm not asking you to talk to every new person you see, although that would be cool. What I am asking you to do is find at least one person you don't know, who might be new AND MAKE THEM FEEL WELCOME! *Steps down from soap box and puts it away,*

Of Chivalry and Sexism

Recently I asked a friend of mine why she disliked chivalry so much she gave several responses to which this blog will make an attempt at rebutting. The first argument was that chivalry = being sexist. Before we begin with this one let's define our terms. Chivalry: marked by honor, generosity and courtesy; marked by gracious courtesy and high minded consideration especially to women. Sexism: predjudice or discrimination based on sex, especially discrimination against women; behaviour conditions or attitudes that foster sterotypes of social roles based on sex. Already I'm seeing a difference. A man who exhibits chivalry is marked by honor, generosity and courtesy. None of the characteristics resemble a sexist. The aim of chivalry is to show a woman the honor and glory she deserves. Is it really so bad for women to be treated as though they were something special?
Another argument against chivalry is that it puts a man in a position of power. I would argue that it's not so much power as worship. Perhaps that is too great a term, let's replace it with honor. Treating women like China plates is simply showing them the honor they deserve. China plates are special, they are not like your every day plates. In the same fashion, women are special, they are not, nor can they ever be just like men. Thus, chivalry does not put a man in power, rather it puts the man in a position of admitting that women are in fact superior. In treating women like a china plate, he is showing her off, "look at how beautiful she is!" Thus, in a sense chivalry is forcing men to say that women are in fact superior and ought to be treated as such.
Finally I would agree that sexism is not, nor will it ever be a good thing. But I do not agree that chivalry and sexism are the same things. The attitudes of each are so vastly different. Therefore in challenging one final argument, chivalry would not destroy society, rather it would enhance society. If all men realized that the woman he was next to was something to which should be shown honor think about what might happen. Perhaps, we would be rid of all the rapists, sexual harrassers, and other perverts in society.

Crying Tears

I finally cried. For only a few minutes, but it doesn't change the fact that I finally cried. I have needed to cry all week, but I don't cry. I have trained myself to not feel intense emotion. I can't cry. I remember only a few times in my life when I've cried. I don't mean like get choked up and cry a few tears and your done kind of cry. I mean like really cry, like sobbing cry. Sobbing in such a way that the whole world know you are mourning. There's a freedom in being able to cry that's very hard to explain.
The culture I grew up in made it seem like it was not OK to feel intense emotion. I was trained to put a happy face on everything regardless of how I felt inside. This is partly why hypocrisy bothers me so much. For the most part I am a fairly transparent person, about surface emotions. But there is a side of me I don't even know, and I'm not sure I want to know but I'm about to find out. I want to know what feels like to be so sick at heart that all you can do is cry and cry and cry. I've heard some say that crying is highly overrated, I disagree.
I'm a control freak, when I cry it's like for a brief moment I've lost complete control and there's nothing else to do but give it up. It's a breakdown, a realization that I cannot do anything alone. But I can't cry. I hate the fact that I can't cry. I want so badly to be able to cry, to climb to the top of the highest hill and scream and yell and sob and just let out all emotion to the point that I fall in a heap and someone else has to pick me up.
Oh to be able to just completely lose control, to just once be completely irrational, to completely throw reason to the wind. Why can't I feel like that? God please, allow me to mourn.

A new concept

Ok, so after all the "there's a special guy out there just for you" comments I had to post a follow up. Humor me for a moment. What if there were more than one special someone. I know that sounds like heresy, but it's not. Just continue to humor me for just a moment. What if it weren't so much a matter of love at first sight (does anybody really believe that anymore?) as much as it is compatability.
My biggest problem with the whole idea of that special someone someone is what implies. It's especially hard for women beause we are expected to just sit around on our dead buts twiddling our thumbs and waiting for God to hit us with a lightening bolt that says "THIS IS THE ONE." I'm sorry, but that isn't for me. I have better things to do with my time then sit around and wait for Mr. Right. This might sound like a contradiction in terms, it's not.
In order to be happy in being single it is imperitive that one should not spend all of one's time looking or thinking about who their right person is. To a degree, this also damages friendships between members of the opposite gender. What I mean is that if one spends all of ones time thinking about hoow that person is their right person how much time are spending in actually being friends? Isn't it more important to be friends first before you even start thinking in that direction?
Furthermore, love is a choice. Therefore, you can choose to love the wrong someone. You can also choose to love a right someone. Given this, it is extremely possible that there are more than one right someones. It is a matter of compatability, not love at first sight. Don't get me wrong, I'm not totally ruling out love. I still believe in love, I'm just not a believer in love at first sight. Nor do I think that love is sole thing in a relationsip. Ask couples you know who have been married twenty years or more. They will tell you, it's the ability to grow and mature together that counts, love is just a really nice by product. I'm probably stepping on some toes here, but I'm really good at that.

Another one Bites the dust

I just found out another one of my friends is engaged. *Sigh* Another one bites the dust. An old roommate of mine is getting married this Saturday. My sister is getting married in February. Another of my good friends is getting married soon. One of my best friends is also getting married soon. Are we noticing a pattern here?
I enjoy being single. Really I do. OK, now I sound like I'm convincing no one but myself. Most of you have heard me at some preach on being happy while you're single. Just because I am happy in my single hood doesn't mean I don't long for the love a relationship provides. Those of you who have been in a relationship before know what I'm talking about. Once you've had that, it's really hard to not want it again, this time for real.
Someone I know couldn't understand why it was that if I was happy being single I still struggle with the issue of wanting someone. Just because I am happy with where I am doesn't make me immune to the fact that I am a relational female. Fact of the matter is God said it is not good for man to be alone and therefore created woman. Think about the single women you know, even the ones well into their adult years who have all but given up hope of finding someone. They're not immune to the longing either.
Consider for a moment the Apostle Paul, he told Timothy it was better for a man to be single but if he cannot restrain himself than he should be married. Even though Paul wrote these words, I don't think he was immune to a pretty face.
My frustration lies in the fact that every guy I know that I would even remotely consider is either married, engaged, has a girlfriend, I would probably kill him if we even attempted a relationship, or is far and away out of my reach. This is extremely frustrating.
It is also frustrating to be told time and time again that you're intimidating. Apparently guys don't appreciate an intellectually confident woman. Is it the big words? Cause I can quite using those. Fact of the matter is, no one person besides the Lord Jesus Christ can change a person; therefore, it is futile to try. Sorry guys, but the big words are back in, if you don't know them go look it up. I know there is someone out there for me somewhere, but with the rash of weddings going on, it's getting increasingly more frustrating to wait regardless of how much I may enjoy being single.