The Quest Continues

Today marks one month from the two by four God sent to the back of my head. Indeed it was exactly one month ago that I saw where the road I was going down would eventually take me. Within the last month God has brought me to a level of intimacy I never dreamed possible. In many ways I feel like a small child, everything is new, different, exciting. God is still in the process of revealing who I am as a child of God. There is much still that is uncertain, however there is much also for which I am certain. These are things I know for certain, these are also the things from which I have spent may years in hiding.

1. I am a follower of Jesus Christ who is the passionate lover of my heart, my soul, and my mind. This is something from which, for the last six months, I have been fleeing. I remember literally saying “I graduated from Corban College. Please don’t hold that against me, I am not one of them.” I was horrified when it was brought to my attention only a few weeks ago that denying the followers of Christ was the same as denying Jesus Christ Himself. “When he had gone out to the gateway, another servant-girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This man was with Jesus of Nazareth." And again he denied it with an oath, "I do not know the man." A little later the bystanders came up and said to Peter, "Surely you too are one of them; for even the way you talk gives you away." Then he began to curse and swear, "I do not know the man!" And immediately a rooster crowed. And Peter remembered the word which Jesus had said," Before a rooster crows, you will deny Me three times." And he went out and wept bitterly.” (Matthew 26:71-75 NASB).
I have grown up hearing nothing but how much God will judge me if I screw up. It has only been within the last several weeks that I have truly come to know how much of a loving God I serve. I am ever more becoming of the opinion that after one has embraced the love of Jesus Christ, Christians need to stop beating people over the head with the judgement of God. Jesus looked past the fault and saw to the need, would it not be better if we did the same?

2. I am female. I realize that in stating this many of you are sitting there going “DUH,” however, I have grown up believe that women in the church must be perfect. To me, being a Christian woman meant being the stereotypical mild tempered, quiet, definitely not outspoken, doormat of a woman. As you all are my friends it won’t take long before you realize I by NO MEANS fit this stereotype. I am loud, opinionated, strong willed, definitely not a doormat. After several years of attempting to meet the stereotype and failing abysmally I finally hit a point where I pretty much said “screw it, I don’t fit the stereotype, why bother trying?” It has only been in the last month that I have come to realize I can be loud, opinionated, strong willed, and still be used of God. Thank God for his grace.

3. I graduated from being homeschooled in 2002. I have been running from this for the last three years. Attempting to cover up the fact that I was sheltered, extremely sheltered. Never realizing that this sheltering, was in fact a good thing. From what I have seen of the world, I am learning to embrace the shelterdness of my up bringing, in fact I have come to regard it as a good thing. I have come to see that not everything in the world is a good thing. That being said I have come to embrace the fact that I am sheltered and very grateful for being sheltered.

I am still discovering more about who I am, and who God wants me to be. As I do continue on my quest for my identity, I will continue to post. When you need to worry is when I quit writing. God is showing me new and wonderful things every day as I learn to embrace his love. I am excited to see what He continues to have in store for me.